Forty Years with the Same Mistress

 

Forty years ago this month I fell in love with a jealous mistress.   At least that is how Dr. Robert E. Lee, the former Dean of the Wake Forest School of Law describes the affair.  "The Law is a Jealous Mistress"  he proclaimed.  "She demands constant wooing,  She will not tolerate infidelity.  She is jealous of those persons and things that claim too much of your time and attention.  You will fall in love with the law.."

When I was but a youngster, I would join my Grandfather to visit his brother, Uncle Ernest.  Ernest was a Yadkin County farmer who curiously lived with his wife and sister-in-law, and had a son named Teddy Gray.  Teddy was mentally challenged and was born the same year as my mother. He was unmarried and worked on Uncle Ernest's farm.  Along with his other challenges, he was afflicted with a speech impediment, and often made the sound of a "y" when he meant to use the sound of an "R" or an "L"

 "What you been doing Teddy Gray?", I would ask.  He would reply:  "Not much Buddy, but I have been yiding the yoad a lot." But my ever-present memory of him was in a beekeeper suit, gathering up sourwood honey for the city boy to take home.  Decades later I ran into Teddy Gray at a family reunion. 

By then I was a college graduate, was married with young children, and had begun my practice of law.  Teddy Gray was old, and nearly blind living in a rest home.  There he stood before me with tobacco juice leaking from the corner of his mouth.  "Teddy Gray, do you know who I am?", I yelled into his mostly deaf ears.   "Of course I do.  You are Uncle Arvil's grandson, Buddy" he replied.  " Are you a Yawyer?  You always said you wanted to be a Yawyer!"

"Yes Teddy Gray I am a Yawyer.  Been one now forty years."

How did Teddy Gray remember my life's ambition? I cannot recall ever discussing it with him.  I was but a young lad the last time I saw him.  But I must have articulated my dream to him, and somehow he remembered.  I guess I really have always wanted to be a lawyer. I guess in some ways I have taken for granted how so very fortunate I am.  And truthfully it has been one incredible journey!

It began on a snowy winter's day in Buies Creek, North Carolina in 1979.  An interview for admission to the Campbell College School of Law's fourth graduating class.  I was trying to be a part of a dream of Norman Wiggins to build a law school on the campus of his small Christian College in the suburbs of Lillington, North Carolina.  My interview with Professor Carolyn Ingram was switched due to her inability to navigate the snow-covered rural roads.  Instead, I got to interview Professor Patrick Hetrick and that interview made all the difference.

Pat Hetrick was part of the original faculty of Campbell College School of Law and hailed from Wisconsin. He became one of the most respected experts in Real Property law in the state, but at the time he interviewed me he was just starting out.  But we hit it off and with a strong letter of recommendation from my college professor, Christy Sorum, I was in.  

And in three memorable long years, I graduated 23rd in my class, and the research editor of the Law Review, hungry for a job.

It was really Chris Beal who unknowingly recruited me to Kernersville.  Chris was a classmate and former probation officer in Forsyth County.  One day toward the end of our third year, he tapped me on the shoulder and said: "Judge Tash told me that a lawyer named John Wolfe, in Kernersville is looking to hire a recent graduate."  

John G. Wolfe, III, was the town attorney for Kernersville and owned a house down the street from where I grew up.  I really did want to practice in Forsyth County so I reached out and John took a chance and hired me.  Now just to pass the bar and I would be on my way.

The summer of 1982 was the worst summer of my life. Studying for a three-day test that determined my worth as a lawyer was all I thought about.  And to tell you the truth, I can now go months at a time without thinking about that summer and that God-awful exam.  Of the 406 individuals taking the exam for the first time in 1982, 316 passed exam and I was one of them.  I don't know what the letter from the Board of Law Examiners said as I only read the first three words, "We are pleased".  Soon thereafter I  was licensed to practice law.  How about that Teddy Gray?... on August 21, 1982, the state of North Carolina licensed me to practice law.  On that day, 40 years ago, I became a Yawyer!

So what do I have to say about practicing law for 40 years? It seems like just yesterday when I started the practice in the center of the Piedmont Triad, the small town of Kernersville North Carolina.  A place that was really Mayberry back in the 1960s, but has grown into the suburban center of one of the faster-growing areas of the state.  I was fortunate to have landed in Kernersville and was fortunate to have had a friend and mentor like John Wolfe.  He taught me how to be a lawyer, a fair-minded community member, a husband, and father.  For 18 years, he was the big brother I never had, and whatever success I have enjoyed is directly related to the fact that he believed in me, a gift for which I will always be grateful and for which I can never repay.

So I became known as the "KernersvilleLawyer". My email identifies me with my adopted home town. It is the place I have lived for 40 years and is the place where I have raised a family among some of the finest folks to be found anywhere.  Folks like, Ray Thomas , the "dean of the local bar",  Roger Swisher, "the Mayor", Chief Neal Stockton, Dewitt Rhoades, Dr. Kirk Walker,  Solly Coltrane, the late great "Kingfish", Arnold King;  bankers: Joe Scales, Ned Mabe, Wayne Mabe, Lou Ann Davis, and Mike Jacobs; neighbors: Robert and Susan Furmage, Bob and Sharon Stamper, Vicki Crutchfield and Tommy Cook;  David Fitzpatrick, Pastor Pete Kunkle, Gary Mundy, Irving Neal, Darrell and Gail Taylor, Jake and Brook Cashion, and countless others befriended me, encouraged me and made sure I was successful sometimes in spite of myself.

Kernersville is a community that offers many opportunities for service.  The Chamber of Commerce, the YMCA, the Lion's Club and Kernersville Moravian Church were where I learned essential skills in leadership and the importance of community involvement.  At the YMCA, we expanded the building twice with a new indoor pool, workout room and second gymnasium.  At Kernersville Moravian Church, I chaired the committee that built a new sanctuary in 1992.

All this led to service on the Winston-Salem/Forsyth County Board of Education.  Twice I was appointed to serve and three times elected.  Sixteen years working with some of the finest people in this county. Governor McCrory appointed me to serve on the State Board of Education for another four years of public service. Twenty years of making education policy was some of the most rewarding times of my life.  We oversaw 500 million dollars in new construction and built three new high schools.  The new Walkertown High School returned the high school to the community and is one of my proudest accomplishments.

The Forsyth County Bar, especially, the District Court Street Lawyers are the best friends I have and the courthouse has been my second home.  George Cleland III ("Nothing dries faster than the tears of graditude") has been my constant friend and mentor.  Lawyers like David Niblock , Andy Carmen. Skip Long, John Barrow, George Cleland, IV, Tom Fagerli, Warren Kasper and Jim O'Neill have always had my back. Old rats like Pappy Badgett, Bill Cofer, Eddie Mitchell, Fred Hutchins, Bill Speaks, Dick Ramsey, Chuck Alexander, Warren Sparrow, and Mike Grace provided me with the hope and encouragement that I could make it and more importantly the direction to reach 40 years in the practice. Judges like Ab Alexander, Jim Harrill, Roland Hayes and Kason Keiger helped shape me as a District Court Trial lawyer. Others like Gary Tash, Joe Gatto, Bill Reingold, Chester Davis, Denise Hartsfield and Gordon Miller became trusted friends.  Superior Court Judges like Bill Freeman, Ron Spivey, Stan Allen,  Richard Gottlieb, David Hall, and Eric Morgan all could be counted upon to be friendly and fair.  Trials are never for the faint of heart, but as Mike Grace opined: "In court, sometimes you get da dog and sometimes da dog, he gets you".  Ain't that the truth!

My staff over the years has changed, but I could not have practiced a day without them.  Sylvia Saylor, my work mom, taught as much as John Wolfe.  Folks like Joan Rogers, Mary Phelps, Debra Bradley, Charlene White, Shayne Combs, Susan Heman, Pat Fair, and Michelle Fonzi all were essential to my success and sanity.  But to my amazement and enjoyment, Whitney Collins Hunter came into my practice in 2010 and joined with Kim King to make our office effectively represent so many clients. Working with my daughter is one of my life's greatest joys.

For someone to come to you and ask you to help them solve a problem, has to be the highest compliment anyone can give another.  Every day for 40 years, I have had the chance to help someone with the serious and the mundane. In so doing I have been complimented by thousands.  That is humbling.

"To give someone something for which they never can repay is a perfect day".  In the general practice of law, I have had a chance each day for 40 years to enjoy a perfect day. I have taken cases from Magistrate's court to the Supreme Court. While not every day has been perfect, there have been enough.  That is overwhelming.

I among all men have been allowed to do that which I dreamed of as I boy. My family left a Stokes County farm in 1837 to work in a Salem cotton mill.  I am the son and grandson of factory workers, educated in the University and licensed by the State as an attorney and counselor at law which is indeed my ancestors' wildest dream.  That is a blessing.

Of course the greatest blessing for me is my 40 year marriage to my beloved Rene'and the two wonderful children we have raised. And of course, my grandchildren, Awesome Possum and Billy Buck. We met in college, and were married the December of my third year in law school.  She has been my constant encourager. Without her patient commitment to me and our family, nothing else would matter. 

While the road behind me is much longer than that which lies before me, I am not about to retire.  Slow down? ...sure...but retirement does not excite me yet.  

" Retirement" as Bobby Bowden said, is not something to look forward to because after retirement "there is only one big event left!" 

And Satchel Paige once said: "How old would you think you is if you didn't know how old you is?"

Above all else, I give unto my Lord and Saviour all praise and thanks for the blessings He alone has bestowed upon me.  The Rock upon which I stand.

Amen.